The Story of Now.

Everyone loves a good story.

I've spent the last 10 years, post mini publishing career, trying to 'find the story' that 'everyone will want to read' - the coffee table ditty (I did, no one read it), the memoir (too painful), the family saga (too daunting), a fictional tale of love, adventure, and coming of age (gulp).

I've measured myself - my worth and my ability as a 'writer' against my ability (or, in my case, inability) to find 'the story' inside of me - as those, 'in the know', say to do when beginning.

Until now. There's this porthole-like window that has appeared in my psyche after treating myself to a re-heated pumpkin spice latte late last night... I couldn't sleep and 'saw the light'.

I'm just going to write my story.

Not the 'old story' - for that, visit my old blog post, "A Case of Mistaken Identity".

The 'new story' - "The Story of Now".

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Some of you know the 'old' me - the quiet, introspective, invisible, anonymous, daydreaming wanderer. Some of you know the 'other' me - the lost, transient even in my own life, insecure, flighty, mirror. Some of you know the 'new' me - the desperate Wife, always frazzled and overcommitted Mom and Girl Scout Leader, and exuberantly inspired Runner.

Yes, Runner.

4 years ago, Roger and I moved our *then littler* family back to Oregon, back to our beginning. Roger was living his bliss - fishing the river and lakes, hunting in the woods, developing his business. He was his own man. I, however, was still just a full time stay-at-home Mom to 2 beautiful pre-school aged children, oceans away from my family and friends, broke and broken. I was lost, and the tunnel was dark.

One day, while at our neighborhood mailbox center, I noticed a flyer. It read "$90 for 90 Days. Nutritional Counseling & Personal Training. Children Welcome." I went home, called the number listed, and made my initial-visit appointment. (...wait, didn't you just say you were broke?)

Yes, we were broke. But in 2005, my Tutu had given me a Christmas gift of $100 in cash, which I still had saved because... a) I am frugal mcdougal; and b) I hadn't decided how to spend such an important gift. (... why was it such an important gift?) Well, because we lost Tutu in 2006 and her card is the last 'handwriting' I have from her.

So, on October 1st 2009, I pulled out Tutu's $100 bill, and started Day 1.

On March 15th 2010 - Day 165, I was down 4 pants sizes - now a 'perfect size 10'. And on that morning, completed my first EVER -double digit- 10 mile run. It was THE.NEW.ME!

5 days later, I began walking into walls (vertigo) and feeling like death (all day long). I was 10 weeks pregnant. (...surprise!) I slipped into a long dark depression. I couldn't even stomach a hot cup of coffee, let alone the idea that I was STARTING.OVER.AGAIN. Until that one day when the sky turned blue, the sun shone through, my stomach stopped revolting, and my head settled squarely on my shoulders. I then had the perfect 3rd pregnancy and wonderfully peaceful mid-wife assisted water birth.

EXACTLY 1 year later, on March 15th 2011, I squeezed myself back into my biggest pair of lycra capris and, with my 12 week old cherub sleeping peacefully in her Moses Basket in front of a crackling fire, started Day 1... again.

On May 25 2011 - Day 70, after training diligently 3 days a week with the C-2-5K iPhone app, I showed up and ran my first ever 5k race. I was BACK... to that old NEW.ME!

I have continued moving forward, one day at a time, 3-4 days a week, for 2 years now. I have, since that first 'race morning', run 1x 5k, 1x 10k, and -as of November 2- will have completed 2x trail Half-Marathons and 3x road 13.1 Half-Marathons.

I have allowed myself the freedom to start-do-finish. And in that process, I have found myself.

It's not 'a self' I thought I would be. It's not 'the story' I thought I'd ever write. But it's the truest of true stories. Because it isn't dependent on my past. And it doesn't dictate my future. It is a beautiful memoir, a developing saga, a tale of love, adventure, and coming of age... a journey to self.

And that journey has changed my life.

Yes, from the outside - In October 2009, I was squeezing into a size 16; This October 2013, I'm squeezing into a size 6.

But, most especially, on the inside - I have found that my scope sights are focused, there is a light shining in my life's tunnel, and there is a dream in my heart; I have found my 'Happy Place'.

So come visit me - "On the Run". Let's swap stories and share inspiration.