Square One

Blogging...

A brilliant idea. As illustrated by so many talented (and not so) bloggers out there. And, of course, I'm just catching that wave now - catching... riding... whatever. I'm late to the dance. (and I've gone from surfing to ballet in my analogies, terrific start, eh?)

It's true when they say: "I read her blog and I thought to myself, 'I can do that'..." and so, as I'm jumping on the bandwagon halfway along the trail (now I'm playing the banjo on a moving bale of hay?), I've found myself saying that very phrase... only, it's not quite that easy

Because I'm a writer. A real writer. Or, well, I used to be. Ok, well, maybe not in a long-standing, super-successful, career-woman kind of way. In a more I got free tickets-people read my articles-and I got a seriously-starving-artist paycheck kind of way. That is, until I lost my mojo (aka: self-esteem) to a failed attempt at getting on with The Seattle Times (aka: a real writing job).

And so... 10 years later (literally), I'm attempting to scour the depths of the faaaaar recesses of my soul to find a little piece of that looooong lost self.

Or, so I thought. Tried.

And then reality hit me right between the eyes.

Blogging > Writing > Brainwaves > Sleep.

No sleep with 'lil Willa still waking 2, 3, sometimes 4 times a night.

No brainwaves - all I've got between the ears seems to be a running tally of the fridge and pantry stock, or how much longer will the diaper stash hold out, or where did I put that receipt?

No writing... that one's simple. What could I possibly have to say that anyone would want to read/hear?

No blogging.

I tried. I did.

I stayed up late one night (about a month ago... how's that for consistency?), milking myself (yes, you read that right, milking myself.... breast is best, people, and god-forbid I leave the baby without a liquid food supply for 2 hrs 2x/week - ok, I succummed, it's now just 2 hrs 1x/week), and decided to try my hand at a "New Post"... I started typing. Erased. Started typing. Erased.

What happened? I don't know. It took me a few weeks to realize that my writer's instinct, the one that says 'you edit before you submit'... well, it took over. I wanted to 'get it right' before I 'turned it in'... so I  didn't hit "Publish Post."

26 days later, I've turned a corner.

I've clicked on "New Post" again.

And I've written this... yes, this. 'Square One'.

"Publish Post"